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That's just the way it is
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Oh yea...
Ask a random selection of observers of the events of 2008 to produce one "buzzword" that would seek to encapsulate and summarize all of the happenings of this tumultuous year, and you would likely hear the word "change" uttered more than a few times. Change, change, change.
Well, I posit that "change" used without any qualifiers is a very dangerous thing, indeed. And it has taken me quite a while to arrive at this position, essentially a radical reversal of my more rosy and youthful view of the word. (Please don't take this the wrong way and get turned off at this point; I am nothing but supportive of Barack Obama and the leftward-trending political currents in this country, and that is not the subject of my post today.)
Throughout all of American history, the very idea of "change" generates positive connotations and has largely become synonymous with ideals such as progress, the perfectibility of man, and the desire to never simply be satisfied by where we are now, to always strive to do better, have more, exist more rationally. We would not exist simply as a far-flung set of British colonies; we could do better than the system of taxation without representation. We could not simply limit ourselves to occupying a geographically small portion of the Eastern North American continent; it was our manifest destiny to be more than just that. We could no longer tolerate existing as a nation half-slave, half-free; a more rational, sensible and just course of action must exist and we must act upon it. From day one of our cultural beginnings, the idea of change has played a fundamental role in establishing the cartography of our ever-evolving quest; even a cursory read an American history textbook, or any representative selection of American folklore, would affirm this truth.
Much of my own life was based off of this view of change, and the overwhelming majority - virtually all - of the changes in my early years were positive ones, typically associated with gaining new skills, becoming more intelligent, earning additional rights and responsibilities, and being able to explore and experience an ever greater percentage of the world's bountiful possibilities. These changes were things like advancing in my education, getting a job, being in new organizations and taking on new challenges, taking part in competitions with no certainty of success.
I don't need to give a plethora of specific examples; the key point here is that these changes were overwhelmingly positive ones, associated with progress and success. My view of "change" was thus firmly established as the typically American one. In fact, I once remember getting into an argument with a (much wiser than I) teacher when in 9th grade when she corrected me for stating that "Change is good." Her prudent and sage reply, which to me at the time rang out as thinly veiled traditionalism and bigotry (indeed, even contempt for progress!), was that "Some change is good."
To realize the full spectrum of change, you must personally see it in all of its wavelengths, not just the selective few colors of the rainbow that happen to be appealing. And in so many ways, I had never experienced a truly "bad" change in my life before this year. Of course, there had been minor things; the death of a family friend, a close friend moving away, a less enjoyable set of classes, additional responsibilities that weren't always positive, etc. etc. But how fortunate was I that I spent virtually all of the first 21 years of my life progressing along positively, with well over 99% of the "changes" that I experienced being either negligible in impact or positive.
To realize the full spectrum of change, you must see it in all of its wavelengths.
For the first time in my life - and I have often thought about these things - I cannot say that I feel better off now than I was one year ago. And "change", a much less glorious type of change, is the chief culprit.
Never, ever before has that occurred - not even remotely. On two distinct measures - one being how happy I feel in general about my state of life, and a second being how optimistic I am about my immediate and long-term future - I simply do not feel in a better position than I did one year ago. For every one of the 20 previous years of my life, just the opposite has been true; I have always felt like I saw a yearly increase in my happiness, well-being, and optimism about the future (well, at least the years during which I was old enough to think about such things at even a basic level.) It is as if up until now my life has been like the go-go, optimistic, "anything is possible" 1960's, only to abruptly find myself, as of now, living in the decline, stagnation, and pessimistic realism of the 1970's. Examples?
Things will never be the same
That's just the way it is
Oh yea...
Ask a random selection of observers of the events of 2008 to produce one "buzzword" that would seek to encapsulate and summarize all of the happenings of this tumultuous year, and you would likely hear the word "change" uttered more than a few times. Change, change, change.
Well, I posit that "change" used without any qualifiers is a very dangerous thing, indeed. And it has taken me quite a while to arrive at this position, essentially a radical reversal of my more rosy and youthful view of the word. (Please don't take this the wrong way and get turned off at this point; I am nothing but supportive of Barack Obama and the leftward-trending political currents in this country, and that is not the subject of my post today.)
Throughout all of American history, the very idea of "change" generates positive connotations and has largely become synonymous with ideals such as progress, the perfectibility of man, and the desire to never simply be satisfied by where we are now, to always strive to do better, have more, exist more rationally. We would not exist simply as a far-flung set of British colonies; we could do better than the system of taxation without representation. We could not simply limit ourselves to occupying a geographically small portion of the Eastern North American continent; it was our manifest destiny to be more than just that. We could no longer tolerate existing as a nation half-slave, half-free; a more rational, sensible and just course of action must exist and we must act upon it. From day one of our cultural beginnings, the idea of change has played a fundamental role in establishing the cartography of our ever-evolving quest; even a cursory read an American history textbook, or any representative selection of American folklore, would affirm this truth.
Much of my own life was based off of this view of change, and the overwhelming majority - virtually all - of the changes in my early years were positive ones, typically associated with gaining new skills, becoming more intelligent, earning additional rights and responsibilities, and being able to explore and experience an ever greater percentage of the world's bountiful possibilities. These changes were things like advancing in my education, getting a job, being in new organizations and taking on new challenges, taking part in competitions with no certainty of success.
I don't need to give a plethora of specific examples; the key point here is that these changes were overwhelmingly positive ones, associated with progress and success. My view of "change" was thus firmly established as the typically American one. In fact, I once remember getting into an argument with a (much wiser than I) teacher when in 9th grade when she corrected me for stating that "Change is good." Her prudent and sage reply, which to me at the time rang out as thinly veiled traditionalism and bigotry (indeed, even contempt for progress!), was that "Some change is good."
To realize the full spectrum of change, you must personally see it in all of its wavelengths, not just the selective few colors of the rainbow that happen to be appealing. And in so many ways, I had never experienced a truly "bad" change in my life before this year. Of course, there had been minor things; the death of a family friend, a close friend moving away, a less enjoyable set of classes, additional responsibilities that weren't always positive, etc. etc. But how fortunate was I that I spent virtually all of the first 21 years of my life progressing along positively, with well over 99% of the "changes" that I experienced being either negligible in impact or positive.
To realize the full spectrum of change, you must see it in all of its wavelengths.
For the first time in my life - and I have often thought about these things - I cannot say that I feel better off now than I was one year ago. And "change", a much less glorious type of change, is the chief culprit.
Never, ever before has that occurred - not even remotely. On two distinct measures - one being how happy I feel in general about my state of life, and a second being how optimistic I am about my immediate and long-term future - I simply do not feel in a better position than I did one year ago. For every one of the 20 previous years of my life, just the opposite has been true; I have always felt like I saw a yearly increase in my happiness, well-being, and optimism about the future (well, at least the years during which I was old enough to think about such things at even a basic level.) It is as if up until now my life has been like the go-go, optimistic, "anything is possible" 1960's, only to abruptly find myself, as of now, living in the decline, stagnation, and pessimistic realism of the 1970's. Examples?
- Abruptly, my years with my mom are over. And I wasn't even aware that I should be saying a proper goodbye until it was too late.
- My years as a UF undergraduate, the happiest to date in my life, are over. Never coming back. A period of tremendous progress and personal growth has ended just as I was learning to truly appreciate it.
- In related terms, the transition to Carnegie Mellon and Pittsburgh life has not been a largely pleasant one, just the opposite of the start of my undergrad career. On nearly every level, I am not as happy, nor as successful, here as compared to UF.
- On a broader note, my days in the academic world are numbered, and counting down quickly. I am preparing to leave an academic career of success and certainty to a business career in turbulent times, with no firm idea of where I will end up or how I will fare relatively. It is an unforgiving, ruthless world - especially when compared to the life of a university student.
- Although I never had an easy time defining a "home", even the remotest possibilities of that term having any meaning for me are now firmly gone. I face the tremendous challenge of making the word "home" actually mean something in my life again, for it has now been rendered entirely meaningless.
I have to say that it is one hell of a reality check, and it has exposed me to those rarely discussed facets of "change" - the difficult to perceive shades of the spectrum - which are not as frequently discussed in American culture. They certainly are not put upon a pedestal and admired like the "change" envisioned through images of the rugged frontiersman or beautiful little Ruby Bridges.
For the first time in my life, I have realized - and realized very quickly - that all change comes with a qualifier. When we ignore the modifier and view change blindly, as some unfettered sign of progress, we are bound to be stung sooner or later when reality hits. It has taken a series of very negative changes for me to realize that good change is never guaranteed. Sometimes there is no need to change how things are; change should never be embraced simply for the sake of change itself. In fact, I selected Carnegie Mellon as my graduate school partially because of that still existent mentality of my earlier years - that such a "striking change" would be good for my personal development. As I sit here now realizing that I could still be at the University of Florida and a much happier person consequently - I am fully cognizant that my own choices, and my own unwavering faith in change - produced at least part of my current state. I can consider my lesson learned, and learned well. Henceforth, my perspective on change will benefit from a level of scrutiny that only the wisdom of years lived and experiences dealt with can foster.
____________________________________________________________________
This all has to be put in relative terms, of course. I am still happy. I am still optimistic about my future and the future of the world. And though there have been enormous downsides to the changes of this year, there have been some positive aspects. I may not be nearly as happy here at CMU as I was at UF, but I am being pushed to work harder, truly master my field of study, and being exposed to a variety of (largely international) viewpoints that I would not have had back in Gainesville. Not to mention that my overall perspective on life will unquestionably be enriched by having jumped so far outside of my traditional comfort zones by living in the Rust Belt.
Traditionalism, however, still does not find, and never will find, acceptance in my heart. An obsession with the past - a past that is always gone - is not a sensible way to deal with current and future problems. The key is to not simply reflect on how "goods things were", but to work hard and take action to make sure that "things will be even better" in the future.
I must admit that, amazingly, I have perhaps even less patience than I used to with people who simply sit around wondering how they can "get back to how things used to be." What a colossal waste of productivity! Reminiscing fondly on good days in the past is perfectly acceptable, but when this occasional activity in personal reflection becomes a pursuit...I find that to be rather problematic.
And it will never be the pursuit of my life. Because in the end, my worst quality is that I am a damned optimist, and I always believe that there is a better future worth striving towards.
And a future bounded only by our wildest aspirations and dreams is something I'll take over any past, no matter how splendid and glorious it may appear in our longing nostalgia.
For the first time in my life, I have realized - and realized very quickly - that all change comes with a qualifier. When we ignore the modifier and view change blindly, as some unfettered sign of progress, we are bound to be stung sooner or later when reality hits. It has taken a series of very negative changes for me to realize that good change is never guaranteed. Sometimes there is no need to change how things are; change should never be embraced simply for the sake of change itself. In fact, I selected Carnegie Mellon as my graduate school partially because of that still existent mentality of my earlier years - that such a "striking change" would be good for my personal development. As I sit here now realizing that I could still be at the University of Florida and a much happier person consequently - I am fully cognizant that my own choices, and my own unwavering faith in change - produced at least part of my current state. I can consider my lesson learned, and learned well. Henceforth, my perspective on change will benefit from a level of scrutiny that only the wisdom of years lived and experiences dealt with can foster.
____________________________________________________________________
This all has to be put in relative terms, of course. I am still happy. I am still optimistic about my future and the future of the world. And though there have been enormous downsides to the changes of this year, there have been some positive aspects. I may not be nearly as happy here at CMU as I was at UF, but I am being pushed to work harder, truly master my field of study, and being exposed to a variety of (largely international) viewpoints that I would not have had back in Gainesville. Not to mention that my overall perspective on life will unquestionably be enriched by having jumped so far outside of my traditional comfort zones by living in the Rust Belt.
Traditionalism, however, still does not find, and never will find, acceptance in my heart. An obsession with the past - a past that is always gone - is not a sensible way to deal with current and future problems. The key is to not simply reflect on how "goods things were", but to work hard and take action to make sure that "things will be even better" in the future.
I must admit that, amazingly, I have perhaps even less patience than I used to with people who simply sit around wondering how they can "get back to how things used to be." What a colossal waste of productivity! Reminiscing fondly on good days in the past is perfectly acceptable, but when this occasional activity in personal reflection becomes a pursuit...I find that to be rather problematic.
And it will never be the pursuit of my life. Because in the end, my worst quality is that I am a damned optimist, and I always believe that there is a better future worth striving towards.
And a future bounded only by our wildest aspirations and dreams is something I'll take over any past, no matter how splendid and glorious it may appear in our longing nostalgia.
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