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I was wrong. Hey, I have guts; I'm not afraid to admit that I'm the type who can change his mind when he finds out that he was totally misinformed about something.
Our society is decaying at an alarming pace; indeed, it seems as if the end draws closer and closer every day. Just a few minutes ago I witnessed a young man wearing earrings - a man, wearing earrings! Such moral decay indicates that conservatives are right when they say that a return to our Traditional Wholesome Christian Values is the only way that we can ever hope to solve these terrifying problems. Unfortunately, conservatives have been far too reticent to explicitly elucidate what these Great, Wholesome Almighty Values are. So being a naturally verbose person, I have taken it upon myself to compile an agenda of 10 policy points, to be enacted by Federal and state governments, that will usher in a new Era of Christian Morality and Wholesomeness.
1. We must, above all else, return to being a Christian Nation. Certain "historical truths" - you know, about our nation being founded by a bunch of Enlightenment-influenced deists, secularists, and atheists weary of the European model of endless religious warfare - well, those things are nothing more than the fables of liberal college professors. Just as vile are all of those Big Government Baby-Eating Liberal Myths about us being a "pluralistic democracy." The most heinous Liberal Lie of all is the so-called "fact" that only two out of the Ten Commandments are laws in our fair land. We are clearly a Christian land! Consequently, we will deport all Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and practitioners of other so-called "faiths." The status of Catholics is still being debated and we expect to have a resolution to this thorny question soon. The non-religious, witches, and homosexuals will be hunted down and burned at stakes in various cities throughout the country. We'll announce the times and venues soon; popcorn and soda will be served.
2. We must uphold the sanctity of marriage. From this point forward, marriage will regain its rightful definition - as an institution, irrevocable for life, between a man and a woman of the same race, religious persuasion, and general socioeconomic standing. The right to "divorce" will not exist, because divorce is an invalid, godless ACLU type of concept. Miscegenation is also a dirty, hedonistic act that goes against the word of God, and it shall not be tolerated.
3. Women will return to their rightful role as the property of their husbands. A woman will have no right to enter into employment, or any other type of contractual agreement, without the express written consent of her husband. If the woman displeases her man, the man will have every right to physically abuse her under no penalty from the law, as God ordains that a wife is fully subservient to her husband. Not "somewhat" subservient or "partially" subservient; fully subservient.
4. Consequently, the right of suffrage afforded to women under the 19th Amendment shall immediately be revoked. Politics is a dirty, worldly thing with which women have no place being involved; besides, they shall be too busy birthing the babies of wholesome, fertile Christian men (see point 7 below.)
5. Since slavery is fully sanctioned by Biblical principles, we must eliminate this "Civil Rights" nonsense, silly talk from liberal godless ACLU professors, that has far too long sullied our great Christian land. As soon as possible, all states will hold referendums - in which only white male land-holding citizens shall be eligible to vote - to determine the status of the Negro "citizen" and the Negro "right" to such things as the vote, property ownership, and freedom in general. The rights of the states shall be inviolate, and the results of these referendums shall be final; we do anticipate widespread shortages of whips and shackles in the Great States of Alabama and Mississippi, but rest assured that we are working overtime to address these concerns. Since Barack Obama did not win a majority of the votes of white Christian men - the only group eligible to vote in our Christian nation - his election shall immediately be nullified.
6. All public PreK-12 schools and public universities shall be closed immediately. It is your God-given responsibility to educate your own children in the ways of the Lord our Savior; this is not my business, and my tax dollars should not be used for that purpose. And as we have seen, the public schools have become the principal conduit through which disgusting, godless values have been imposed upon our children for generations and generations - such filthy values as "tolerance" and "multiculturalism" that are placed on a pedestal by the ACLU Liberal Elite.
7. Effective immediately, abortion and all forms of birth control shall become illegal. The use of filthy mechanisms such as condoms and "the Pill" is an abomination against God and his Natural Order; God ordained that fertile Christian men shall impregnate - and impregnate often - the beautiful Christian women of the world. It is improper for us to attempt to circumvent this beautiful process. Those engaging in fornication, as well as filthy acts like oral sex, shall be put to death.
8. Related to Point 7, the idea of a "childless family" is another godless concept introduced to our land by the dirty atheists and Gay Muslim Terrorists in our schools. It is the God-given duty of all Christian families to produce children; they have no right to avoid this beautiful duty for selfish reasons such as career advancement and wealth accumulation. Any husband and wife choosing to not conceive at least one child before attaining the age of 30 shall face harsh repercussions, including but not limited to fines and up to six months of imprisonment.
9. When our Founding Fathers talked about "Freedom of the Press" and "Freedom of Speech", what they clearly meant was that those "freedoms" - which come from God in the first place - are to be situated in their full Christian context. Therefore, we will establish a Federal Christian Censorship Board that shall review every piece of creative work - literature, painting, web page, musical recording, etc. - that is produced within our borders. Any piece of work found to be in violation of Christian principles shall be confiscated and destroyed, and the author of such disgusting filth will be stoned to death in public. Again, popcorn and soda shall be served.
10. And of course, the consumption of shellfish shall become a felony offense, punishable by death. You do read your Bible, do you not, sinner?
Praise Jesus! As it was often said in those glorious days before the Politically Correct Godless ACLU Family-Hating Liberals killed all religious practice, it is truly time that we return to being an America - for Americans!
Our society is decaying at an alarming pace; indeed, it seems as if the end draws closer and closer every day. Just a few minutes ago I witnessed a young man wearing earrings - a man, wearing earrings! Such moral decay indicates that conservatives are right when they say that a return to our Traditional Wholesome Christian Values is the only way that we can ever hope to solve these terrifying problems. Unfortunately, conservatives have been far too reticent to explicitly elucidate what these Great, Wholesome Almighty Values are. So being a naturally verbose person, I have taken it upon myself to compile an agenda of 10 policy points, to be enacted by Federal and state governments, that will usher in a new Era of Christian Morality and Wholesomeness.
1. We must, above all else, return to being a Christian Nation. Certain "historical truths" - you know, about our nation being founded by a bunch of Enlightenment-influenced deists, secularists, and atheists weary of the European model of endless religious warfare - well, those things are nothing more than the fables of liberal college professors. Just as vile are all of those Big Government Baby-Eating Liberal Myths about us being a "pluralistic democracy." The most heinous Liberal Lie of all is the so-called "fact" that only two out of the Ten Commandments are laws in our fair land. We are clearly a Christian land! Consequently, we will deport all Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and practitioners of other so-called "faiths." The status of Catholics is still being debated and we expect to have a resolution to this thorny question soon. The non-religious, witches, and homosexuals will be hunted down and burned at stakes in various cities throughout the country. We'll announce the times and venues soon; popcorn and soda will be served.
2. We must uphold the sanctity of marriage. From this point forward, marriage will regain its rightful definition - as an institution, irrevocable for life, between a man and a woman of the same race, religious persuasion, and general socioeconomic standing. The right to "divorce" will not exist, because divorce is an invalid, godless ACLU type of concept. Miscegenation is also a dirty, hedonistic act that goes against the word of God, and it shall not be tolerated.
3. Women will return to their rightful role as the property of their husbands. A woman will have no right to enter into employment, or any other type of contractual agreement, without the express written consent of her husband. If the woman displeases her man, the man will have every right to physically abuse her under no penalty from the law, as God ordains that a wife is fully subservient to her husband. Not "somewhat" subservient or "partially" subservient; fully subservient.
4. Consequently, the right of suffrage afforded to women under the 19th Amendment shall immediately be revoked. Politics is a dirty, worldly thing with which women have no place being involved; besides, they shall be too busy birthing the babies of wholesome, fertile Christian men (see point 7 below.)
5. Since slavery is fully sanctioned by Biblical principles, we must eliminate this "Civil Rights" nonsense, silly talk from liberal godless ACLU professors, that has far too long sullied our great Christian land. As soon as possible, all states will hold referendums - in which only white male land-holding citizens shall be eligible to vote - to determine the status of the Negro "citizen" and the Negro "right" to such things as the vote, property ownership, and freedom in general. The rights of the states shall be inviolate, and the results of these referendums shall be final; we do anticipate widespread shortages of whips and shackles in the Great States of Alabama and Mississippi, but rest assured that we are working overtime to address these concerns. Since Barack Obama did not win a majority of the votes of white Christian men - the only group eligible to vote in our Christian nation - his election shall immediately be nullified.
6. All public PreK-12 schools and public universities shall be closed immediately. It is your God-given responsibility to educate your own children in the ways of the Lord our Savior; this is not my business, and my tax dollars should not be used for that purpose. And as we have seen, the public schools have become the principal conduit through which disgusting, godless values have been imposed upon our children for generations and generations - such filthy values as "tolerance" and "multiculturalism" that are placed on a pedestal by the ACLU Liberal Elite.
7. Effective immediately, abortion and all forms of birth control shall become illegal. The use of filthy mechanisms such as condoms and "the Pill" is an abomination against God and his Natural Order; God ordained that fertile Christian men shall impregnate - and impregnate often - the beautiful Christian women of the world. It is improper for us to attempt to circumvent this beautiful process. Those engaging in fornication, as well as filthy acts like oral sex, shall be put to death.
8. Related to Point 7, the idea of a "childless family" is another godless concept introduced to our land by the dirty atheists and Gay Muslim Terrorists in our schools. It is the God-given duty of all Christian families to produce children; they have no right to avoid this beautiful duty for selfish reasons such as career advancement and wealth accumulation. Any husband and wife choosing to not conceive at least one child before attaining the age of 30 shall face harsh repercussions, including but not limited to fines and up to six months of imprisonment.
9. When our Founding Fathers talked about "Freedom of the Press" and "Freedom of Speech", what they clearly meant was that those "freedoms" - which come from God in the first place - are to be situated in their full Christian context. Therefore, we will establish a Federal Christian Censorship Board that shall review every piece of creative work - literature, painting, web page, musical recording, etc. - that is produced within our borders. Any piece of work found to be in violation of Christian principles shall be confiscated and destroyed, and the author of such disgusting filth will be stoned to death in public. Again, popcorn and soda shall be served.
10. And of course, the consumption of shellfish shall become a felony offense, punishable by death. You do read your Bible, do you not, sinner?
Praise Jesus! As it was often said in those glorious days before the Politically Correct Godless ACLU Family-Hating Liberals killed all religious practice, it is truly time that we return to being an America - for Americans!
1 comment:
Amen brother!
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