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Dear resident of (insert any random small town here; they're all the same anyhow)
Time really flies; it has been close to half a decade since I last called a quaint, bucolic small town my home. Of course, our relationship was never exactly amicable; you didn't want me or my family corrupting your fiefdom with our external values and sense of geography that extended across more than a 100-mile radius, and I wasn't exactly pleased with the deal that I was handed, either. But life goes on, and here we are. I try my hardest to not even think of you anymore, but you have a rather forceful way of dragging me into conversations about you. That technique is called "political intimidation", and we witness it during each and every election cycle. For a very long time, politicians found ways to quietly interject your message into their platforms - but not anymore. The politicians of today, particularly the Christian conservative Republicans, waste no time and get straight to the point. Sarah Palin in her infinite wisdom took this movement to its logical conclusion, demarcating our country between "real Americans" and "fake Americans." You know the deal. I live in decidedly non-rural South Florida so I'm not a "real American" - but a resident of some isolated community in Hamilton County qualifies. In Virginia, drop south of Fairfax County and you've officially entered Fakeland. The "real" state of Georgia commences somewhere outside of Interstate 285. The "true Pennsylvania" doesn't include the counties of Allegheny, Montgomery, and Philadelphia. And on and on.
I know that confrontation is generally avoided in your genteel sense of values, but I've listened to your arguments for too long. Enough is enough. If nobody else is going to call you on your bullshit, then I certainly will. I'll be straight to the point:
YOU ARE NO MORE OF AN AMERICAN THAN I AM.
THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR VALUES.
JUST AS CITIES HAVE SOCIAL PROBLEMS, SO DOES YOUR SMALL TOWN HAVE SOCIAL PROBLEMS.
YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO DICTATE THE FUTURE OF AMERICAN PROGRESS JUST BECAUSE OF THE POPULATION COUNT OF YOUR VILLAGE.
A WHOLE, BIG WORLD EXISTS OUTSIDE OF YOUR TINY VILLAGE. TRY TO EXPLORE IT ONCE IN A WHILE.
AND YES, THOSE OF US IN LARGE CITIES REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR DISDAIN FOR US. IN FACT, IT'S PROBABLY MUTUAL.
Clear enough for you?
Your counter-arguments won't work on me, because I've spent close to two decades living in a small town that, believe it or not, was almost certainly quite a bit smaller than your own small town. There is absolutely nothing about small town life that you can tell me that I don't know already. What differentiates me from you, however, is that I longed to escape from your way of life, and I did. In my short life, I have lived in every type of community - extremely small towns, medium-sized cities, and some of the largest metropolises in the developed world.
I saw your way of life, and I rejected it. How many of you have lived in large cities? How many of you have lived in multiple states outside of the state in which you were raised? How many of you have traveled abroad, studied foreign cultures, lived in regions where the culture was very different from the one that you were raised around?
Thought so.
It is high time that you and your ilk realize that a person's choice of community boils down to their own personal values and economics, and nothing else. There is not a single thing that morally differentiates small town residents from urban denizens. Nothing at all. You are not the "real Americans", and as the last two election cycles have shown, those of us living in cities with more than one traffic light are sick and tired of hearing assertions along that line. And besides, just do the math. You're horribly outnumbered. Los Angeles County has more residents than most of the rural Mountain West combined. Cook County, Illinois has a population larger than the entire state of Oklahoma. Miami-Dade County, Florida has a population roughly twice the size of the state of Nebraska. Northern Virginia has so many residents that is was able to turn Blue a state consisting of thousands of hyper-conservative communities such as Wytheville and Lynchburg. Let's face it: if urban Americans were "fake", "real America" would be an endangered species.
Just a friendly reminder. I know how you folks value honesty, so I just felt horrible allowing you to continue living in such an incredible lie for any longer.
Sincerely yours,
-Adam
Time really flies; it has been close to half a decade since I last called a quaint, bucolic small town my home. Of course, our relationship was never exactly amicable; you didn't want me or my family corrupting your fiefdom with our external values and sense of geography that extended across more than a 100-mile radius, and I wasn't exactly pleased with the deal that I was handed, either. But life goes on, and here we are. I try my hardest to not even think of you anymore, but you have a rather forceful way of dragging me into conversations about you. That technique is called "political intimidation", and we witness it during each and every election cycle. For a very long time, politicians found ways to quietly interject your message into their platforms - but not anymore. The politicians of today, particularly the Christian conservative Republicans, waste no time and get straight to the point. Sarah Palin in her infinite wisdom took this movement to its logical conclusion, demarcating our country between "real Americans" and "fake Americans." You know the deal. I live in decidedly non-rural South Florida so I'm not a "real American" - but a resident of some isolated community in Hamilton County qualifies. In Virginia, drop south of Fairfax County and you've officially entered Fakeland. The "real" state of Georgia commences somewhere outside of Interstate 285. The "true Pennsylvania" doesn't include the counties of Allegheny, Montgomery, and Philadelphia. And on and on.
I know that confrontation is generally avoided in your genteel sense of values, but I've listened to your arguments for too long. Enough is enough. If nobody else is going to call you on your bullshit, then I certainly will. I'll be straight to the point:
YOU ARE NO MORE OF AN AMERICAN THAN I AM.
THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR VALUES.
JUST AS CITIES HAVE SOCIAL PROBLEMS, SO DOES YOUR SMALL TOWN HAVE SOCIAL PROBLEMS.
YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO DICTATE THE FUTURE OF AMERICAN PROGRESS JUST BECAUSE OF THE POPULATION COUNT OF YOUR VILLAGE.
A WHOLE, BIG WORLD EXISTS OUTSIDE OF YOUR TINY VILLAGE. TRY TO EXPLORE IT ONCE IN A WHILE.
AND YES, THOSE OF US IN LARGE CITIES REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR DISDAIN FOR US. IN FACT, IT'S PROBABLY MUTUAL.
Clear enough for you?
Your counter-arguments won't work on me, because I've spent close to two decades living in a small town that, believe it or not, was almost certainly quite a bit smaller than your own small town. There is absolutely nothing about small town life that you can tell me that I don't know already. What differentiates me from you, however, is that I longed to escape from your way of life, and I did. In my short life, I have lived in every type of community - extremely small towns, medium-sized cities, and some of the largest metropolises in the developed world.
I saw your way of life, and I rejected it. How many of you have lived in large cities? How many of you have lived in multiple states outside of the state in which you were raised? How many of you have traveled abroad, studied foreign cultures, lived in regions where the culture was very different from the one that you were raised around?
Thought so.
It is high time that you and your ilk realize that a person's choice of community boils down to their own personal values and economics, and nothing else. There is not a single thing that morally differentiates small town residents from urban denizens. Nothing at all. You are not the "real Americans", and as the last two election cycles have shown, those of us living in cities with more than one traffic light are sick and tired of hearing assertions along that line. And besides, just do the math. You're horribly outnumbered. Los Angeles County has more residents than most of the rural Mountain West combined. Cook County, Illinois has a population larger than the entire state of Oklahoma. Miami-Dade County, Florida has a population roughly twice the size of the state of Nebraska. Northern Virginia has so many residents that is was able to turn Blue a state consisting of thousands of hyper-conservative communities such as Wytheville and Lynchburg. Let's face it: if urban Americans were "fake", "real America" would be an endangered species.
Just a friendly reminder. I know how you folks value honesty, so I just felt horrible allowing you to continue living in such an incredible lie for any longer.
Sincerely yours,
-Adam
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